I don't have to wonder who you'd be today.

The name of the blog should tell you all. The person that I am crazy about, that left me and moved away five states, totally moved back. And I could never be happier. He is just so amazing to me, and I can't even explain it. I don't know how he does this to me, but he makes me fall all over everyday. Well, the other blog, says I wonder who he'd be today, and if we'd be together. Well, we are, and it's the best time of our lives, and we don't plan on it ending anytime soon. I finally showed him the other blog, he read it all, and he cried. I asked him "Baby, why are you crying?" and he said "cause when I left, I didn't realize what I was leaving behind." He told me he had the chance to stay, and I asked him why he didn't stay, and he said he was too worried about himself and didn't think or care about anyone else. Makes me feel great, right? Lol, no worries though, we're great now and all of that matters. Well, the night he came back, I almost ended it that night. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. He sent me a text saying "wats up" from a number I didn't know, but for some odd reason, I felt it was him, and boy oh boy was it him. I never want him to leave me again, and I hope I never have to leave him. If we never were stupid and broke up all the million times we did, our two year would be coming up soon. How amazing would that have been. He keeps telling me that there will come a time, that I will leave his arms, because he's so afraid he won't be able to hold on to me. But what he doesn't realize is, I feel the same way. I feel like there will be a time that he will leave my arms. I'm always so afraid that he's gonna go away again, and that it will be for good this time, and not half a year. And I know for a fact that my little heart will not be able to deal with that. He IS my first real true love. I've seen a lot of hurt and a lot of pain in my life. That's all I used to have. But then he came, and all I see now is happiness, trust, love, romance, and joy. No hurting and no more pain. We used to fight and break up and make up and go back out, and just do the same process all over again. Well, we have grown up a lot, and we've both matured. We've both realized what we need in life- eachother. And that's all we'll ever need. Many people would think we're crazy thinking we're in love at the age of 15, but we know that we are, and we don't need anyones approval to be happy or to be in love. It's something the heart knows, and our hearts have the same beat, and they feel the same thing. Yeah, we're human and we make mistakes, but we forgive eachother, because that's what you do. I've always been told negitive things in my life, that I was too fat, or not smart enough, or I just wasn't fit to do what I wanted to do. Until I met this guy, I'd probably keep thinking I could never do what I want to do. But he believes in me, and he tells me I can do anything I set my heart too, and I believe him. I used to feel so alone, and then he came. And I wasn't so alone, I have everything when I have him. I've got everything I've ever needed, wanted, or wished for. I wish on 11:11 everyday because he always reminds me, and it's just so great. My wishes always come true because of him. He is so amazing. Well, the ending to my last blog was about wanting to hear "I love you" for one last time. Don't tell me goodbye. I never wanna hear it.

Just a sorry.

There's nothing more I can do. Nothing more. I can throw out a sincere appology. Which I am doing so now. For any one that I ever hurt, or upset. I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. I've gotton a slap in the face from reality. I don't want any problems with anyone. No problems. I wish there was a way I could make up for all the things I have done. I can not regret, though. So, here's a sincere appology. From everything I have.You can accept, or deny. Either way. I've done what I can.

I hope I can get forgivness from each and every one of you. Life is short everyone. I know everyone goes around saying;"Life is short. Don't hate people. Have friends. Forgive and forget." I am the perfect example for this. I have messed up big time in my life guys, and I'm not proud of most of the things I've done. Can I have forgivness?That's up to you to deside. I do not know where I stand with you, and I do not know what I mean to you.Will I ever know? That's up to you to decide.
I just wish everything was back to normal.

I wonder what you're doing today.

Everyday, I sit here and wonder what you're doing today. I always wonder WHO you are today. I haven't seen you in such a long time. You've moved away, moved on. Maybe it was best if you moved on. We were too close. But I don't know. I miss you more than words can describe. I don't know what I'd be today if you were still here. Would I be happy? Would I've been upset? All you ever made me was sad and I just, don't know babe. Ah, babe. Calling you that, just brings back SO many memories that I just, can't think of right now. They are there in my mind now. I wish they weren't. Thinking of you makes me sad. Especially our times we shared together. I was your everything. You were mine. What happened? We grew up, we moved on. We made new lives and new friends. Bad idea? Good idea. I wish you could be here for me while I'm growing up. I wish you could see all the stuff I do and go through. But most of all, I wish you were mine again. It's just so hard to go on somedays. I think about you when I'm depressed and could think of ending it. I don't get many of those days now. But, so many people keep reminding me of you. They keep asking of you, finding your jackets, cause you know we all have your jackets. There is just something about you that Florida doesn't wanna forget about. I think it's the sense of humor of yours. Or it could possibly be the way you could make me light up by just saying hi. I think everyone misses you cause they miss seeing me happy. I don't know. I guess I'll never know 'til the day you come back. I always wonder who you'd be today. Maybe one day I won't have to wonder; I'll know. Because you'll be here, in my arms. Letting me know everything is going to be okay and will always be okay and letting me know that no one hates me and if they do, they are just dumb. (: Haha. I'm stretching out of reach, but you're just out of reach. I've got my arms wide open, waiting for that hug you promised me before you'd leave. I'm still waiting for Friday to happen, the day you were SUPPOSED to see me before you moved. I'll ALWAYS be waiting for more memories to make. Oh boy, I never thought I could write a whole paragraph on missing you. Congratulations, you've made the biggest impact on my life. You should be glad. You could make me smile, cry, be happy, be mad. You could make me do everything I wanted. You showed me all I wanted. You trusted me with you're life as I did with you. My best friend always tells me when you get brought up in a conversation that she thinks it was TRUE love. She thinks you're the only person I've ever loved in my life. And to tell you the truth, I think she is right. No one makes me feel how you made me feel babe. No one has made me smile like you did. No one makes me giggle after crying like you did. No one can ever kiss me the way you did, and always catch me off guard. And fight me when I didn't kiss you in front of my friends, which I warmed up too super mondo fast I should add. (: You were a jackass to me at times, but I was also a bitch to you. So I guess you could say it evens out, right?!? Haha. Like I've told you before; I missed you while you were here. I'll miss you when you're gone. I'll miss you when I'm standing with you. But most of all, I miss, us. I can't sit here and name all the things we've done together. You know that it'd take WAY too long to do. I never sit here and cry about what we used to be. I sit here and laugh about what we could be in the future. You make me laugh even when I'm not talking to you. There is something about you that I just can't get over. The fact that you do look like a girl still gets me every time. (: I'm just playing with ya, I love you. You know that. We may have questioned it and had some pretty rough times. But we made it through. And in the end, I think you could say we were the best couple we could be. We lasted and didn't break up for dumbass reasons like other couples we won't name. ;P It's not like this is helping me, but in a way, it is. It's reminding me of you, something I've needed. I haven't been happy and thinking of you makes me happy. This blog thing makes it sound as if you've died instead of moving away about five states. I hate how YOU couldn't tell me you were moving. Hearing it from your sister was the worst feeling in the world. One thing I cannot believe is; That it hurts like this. We dated for such a long time. Hah, It's crazy, we even planned out kids names. A year from now, I won't remember them, but you always will. Because you always yelled at me for forgetting and you wouldn't tell me them. I had to guess them. Well, I can't write anymore, cause I'll end up missing you even more, which is something I cannot handle right now. I love you. For one last time. I'd love to hear you say it.